I'm glad it's Wednesday and I've had some time to process this past Sunday's games. Where the pre-season is always filled with hope and anticipation, the regular season is very quick to dash that on the 2nd possession in the first quarter to leave your team starting off 0-2. I watched my whole season break in two like Lance's ankle.

But, all hope is not lost. Joe came back from 0-2 last year and only lost one more game finishing at 11-3, most points, and the championship. Speaking of Joe, we have a new single week league record holder with his dominant performance last week putting up 222.56.

This is fine. This is totally fine. We're all fine. I'm totally okay with losing by less than 1 point because I started a WR who got -1, while also losing my single week points record I've held for 4 years. I'm okay guys stop asking. Anyways...

Power Rankings

Team Notes:

Jordan: If you get to 4 championships before me we got problems. And by problems I mean, I'm probably gonna do nothing about it. Except try to trade with you, which I already did. I'm gonna miss Gabe, but my god you gave me the most ELITE QB OFALL TIME JARED GOFF. I told Joe he probably has ELITE tattooed on the underside of his shaft so you can read it while gargling his balls. Real chad status.
Joe: Absolutely dominant performance last week. You should've heard Brett in the Discord. "Yeah this is great. No I don't care that I sat ARob I'm already losing by 100 pts." I don't expect Tyreek to do this every week. And even Tampa Bay got in on the action. Just stop now. We get it Joe. You made your point.
Brett: Let's hope for your sake that Fields attempts more than 11 passes. Your problem is that you only started 1 of your 4 Moore's. If you're gonna do the bit, commit to it. That's real comedy. Good thing you got Eno Benjamin. He's definitely the savior to your season. 🙄
Scott: Doesn't matter if you win or lose, I chuckle every time I read your name. But it's a good thing you played Chu who shit the bed for you. Russell and the Broncos don't look like they've got it together. That Wilson to Jeudy DP will maybe payoff eventually. Swift and Allen are the huge pieces here. The Bills show no sign of slowing. Just pick your matchups and you could easily get to 10-4.
Josh: Honestly I like the other name better. This one just makes me think you're a virgin. I hate your receivers...all of them. Aaron Jones did Aaron Jones things and waited till week 2 to remember he was a football player. Rodgers is showing that he's just a normal quarterback. He'll win games, but doesn't give a fuck about how. Maybe he should've picked up the phone when Jeopardy called.
David: If it weren't for Tua playing out of his mind throwing 50 passes, and Chubb going full Chubb, then King Henry would have gotten some of that good cock he wanted so bad on Mike's way to Browntown. Did I read your name right? Whatever, that's what you are from here on out. You have 3 Tampa receivers and I don't think you're gonna be able to start any of them this week. That's pure comedy. Better throw Taysom in there for good measure. Jimmy G went for 2 more FAAB dollars than Taysom did. That's where the market is at.
Chu: If you had only started *checks bench* -- um...nope..not Birkenstocks...uhhh, no not Carter...wow. What a shitty week. I think I saw that the Colts have lost 8 straight in Jacksonville. That's also pure comedy. Deebo took it upon himself to carry the entire 49ers offense when Jimmy G was at the helm, so he might be your big Wide Back going forward. Fournette promised in a tweet that "the touchdowns are coming, I'm sorry to my fantasy owners." Cause you know he totally has control of that. Oh well, at least you're not winless.
Mike: Fuck you and your Jimmy G. If I hadn't gotten Goff from Jordan I'd be real pissed right about now. But then again your bench of 9 players put up a collective 15.4 points, so I'm not gonna kick a man while he's down. Wait who am I kidding, of course I am. That's the whole point of this article is to shit on everybody. Diggs is unquestionably dominant. But your other "0RB" draft pick Jamarr Chase is currently being outscored by: Christian Kirk, Garret Wilson, Michael Thomas, Curtis Samuel, and James Robinson. I'll just let you sit with that.
Boyer: You used up all the luck you had this season on the way to a 122 point win in week 2. Herbert's injury is one of those ones that's going to linger. I hate to see that cause I love watching him play, and I have Keenan Allen so god dammit get it together. Is Wilson coming back going to be the savior to your season? Is it Flacco, and does he always get to throw 50 passes? I don't really know. But you got your win. Well I should say, I lost...cause no one won that matchup.
Will: Despite joking earlier, I think Goff could have a really good season. He's got arguably one of the best O-Lines in the league. Swift is a monster on the ground. The Sun God carries that receiving core, and Hockenson's hair is my bet to be next up for the Head & Shoulder's endorsement. Najee and Ekeler really need to start outperforming their ADP, and my god my lineup efficiency is bad. Through 2 games I've left 23% of my potential points on the bench. Good thing about last place is you can only go up from here right Jordan? Right? 🥺

This week by the numbers:

Highest points in loss:
Brett: 134.24
Lowest points in win:
Boyer: 122.4
Biggest blowout:
Joe over Brett: +88.32
Narrow victory:
Boyer over Will: +0.76

Week 2 Lineup Efficiency:
Joe: 100% (222.56/222.56)
David: 95.16% (149.58/157.18)
Mike: 94.32% (131.28/139.18)
Brett: 90.06% (134.24/149.06)
Boyer: 89.42% (122.4/136.88)
Jordan: 83.65% (162.18/193.88)
Chu: 81.19% (107.24/132.08)
Will: 78.36% (121.64/155.24)
Josh: 73.01% (124.68/170.78)
Scott: 70.22% (130.52/185.88)

Team points by Week:

This Week's Perfect Lineup:
QB: Tua Tagovailoa (David, 44.48pts)
WR: Stefon Diggs (Mike, 39.8pts)
WR: Tyreek Hill (Joe, 39.5pts)
WR: Jaylen Waddle (Jordan, 37.6pts)
RB: Aaron Jones (Jordan, 31.5pts)
RB: Nick Chubb (David, 30.8pts)
TE: Mark Andrews (Brett, 22.2pts)
WRT: Amon-Ra St. Brown (Will, 35.9pts)
QWRT: Lamar Jackson (Joe, 44.26pts)
K: Graham Gano (FA, 18.6pts)
DEF: Tampa Bay (Joe, 29pts)

Total: 344.64pts

Good luck in Week 3 boys! Redzone Watch party again on Sunday! Come enjoy the misery.